An Observation On Fat Clothing

As a result of recovering from an eating disorder I've had for years, I have been gaining weight. A lot of weight. Fifteen pounds, so far, in fact.

This extra weight has forced me to face the old dreaded chore of clothes shopping. Ask any fat girl, and she will confirm that shopping is usually something she hates to do. Every fat girl is shaped differently; we all have our lumps, bumps, and curves in different places. Mainstream off-the-rack clothing for plus-sized women definitely doesn't seem to understand this!

As for me personally, I have long, thin limbs and a shorter, fatter torso. I'm larger around, but my breasts are pretty small for my frame. So finding bras, shirts, and jeans that fit is a sheer nightmare! If the jeans fit around the waist, they're too loose and baggy around my butt and thighs. If they fit snugly and flatteringly to my thighs and butt, they won't close around my tummy. When looking for a bra, I need a larger band with smaller cups- good luck finding THAT! And don't even get me started on how the plus-size clothing looks compared to the average or junior clothing.

Junior clothes = Pretty Little Liars.

 Plus-size clothes = Annie Wilkes from the movie 'Misery'.

In short, it's a kerfuffle of an ordeal, and I often will leave the shop with nothing but a few drab t-shirts in XXL. It's puzzling to me why more clothing designers and producers aren't designing CUTE clothing for plus-size women- after all, WE are the majority!!! The average woman in the United States is a size 16 (and many of us are larger than that!). You'd think they'd look at us big girls as cash cows (no pun intended), and start doing something about it.

Until they do, the search for stylish fat girl clothes will go on.

Love

I saw this quotation on Facebook this morning, and it has been rolling around in my brain all day since.

I have never read anything more true, more endearing, or more important. Love is not easy all the time. Love is not a fairy tale. Love is not finding someone who will do whatever they can to make you happy (that's YOUR job).

Love is acceptance. Love is commitment. Love is allowing someone to be who they are now, who they were before you knew them, and who they will be long after they have known you. Love is deciding to stay, even when the honeymoon phase is over, or when they start to have eyes for someone else, even while they still love you. Love is something that was made to be shared, multiplied, and celebrated- not hoarded, or selective.

I have but one goal in the time I spend on this earth: to learn how to open myself fully to love, in its real and genuine form; to share it, produce it, and let it be the light that guides me.

Why I Don't Have A Bucket List

Ever since the movie 'Bucket List' was released in 2007, the phrase has been tossed around so often it's now a household word. A Bucket List is a list of things that you want to have done or accomplished before you "kick the bucket". Seems like everyone has one!

There is nothing wrong with having goals you'd like to accomplish before you leave this world, but I can't really bring myself to make my own Bucket List, and here's why: I don't want the pressure of a list of things (which I may or may not be able to do) looming over me for the rest of my life.

Instead, I look at each day as a gift, and I am thankful for whatever that day brings me. So I may not travel outside the US before I die, or wear a size 8, or write a novel. But every day that I can get out of bed and enjoy the small blessings in my life, I'm fine with not planning a whole list of things to race toward.

Inner Light

Whew!

Just finished a 22 minute walk (with bursts of jogging!). I feel exhausted but hopeful. Hopeful that my road to recovery will be swift and successful, and that I can get to my fitness goal and feel great about myself.

I want to be as healthy as possible, given my health issues. Mentally, I am coming along nicely, if I do say so myself. I feel more positive than I have felt in a long time. Partly because of the bipolar medication that is stabilizing my moods, and partly (I think) because I am determined to change for the better. I'm tired of living my life in fear. It's time to grow up, let go of old baggage, and learn to see the best in everything and everyone. Time to ignite my inner light and let it be my guide in all things.

I feel like for the first time in my life, I am on my way to being balanced. And that feels great.