HATE

I fucking hate myself.

I hate how I look, obviously. Anyone who knows me knows that. I'm too tall for a girl, too fat, and my fat doesn't even go to the right places. You know what places I speak of. My face is asymmetrical, my voice is croaky, I have too much fucking DARK body/facial hair, my head hair is frizzy and falls out like a Golden Retriever's. There is literally nothing I like about my appearance.

Then there is the stuff I've been told about myself over the years by various people, the non-physical stuff: I need to "grow a brain", I'm lazy, I'm stupid, I am boring, too deep, too sensitive, I talk too fucking much, I'm too moody, I have too many issues, I'm overwhelming to be with, I'm too caught up in idealism and dreams, and I am judgmental.

And the stuff I have noticed about myself that no one else has pointed out yet: I feel insecure about blondes and natural redheads. I feel insecure and even somewhat jealous of women who are confident enough to show off their bodies or be flirtatious. I'm staying in a relationship with a man who deserves better than me, therefore ruining his life while he doesn't even realize it. I am a hypocrite about my depression- I advise depressed people about their lives and their illness while I am unable to talk my own self out of my depression. I am a hypocrite when it comes to charity work- I want to help, but because of how much it hurts my heart to see people/animals suffer, I choose not to.

I hate myself. Why does a person who has all the aforementioned issues deserve to live?