I was highly nervous, because I have felt lead to this particular faith for almost 3 years now, but have not had the nerve to actually attend a service until today. Why was I afraid? Because I have previous negative experiences with churches and parishioners, and also- this is the church I have been fixated on for years! I had no idea what to expect, and I had convinced myself that it was something to be feared and intimidated by.
The church itself is in a somewhat prominent and wealthy part of my city, which had me thinking that the congregation would be full of snooty well-to-doers who would not accept a lowly disabled woman living in poverty (like myself). So I suppose that's what I was very much afraid of. That, and also the fact that I have never attended an Episcopal church before, and had no idea about their rituals, their protocol, etc. It was scary! Nevertheless, I decided that today was the day. God had been pulling me toward this place for years- I had to go!
Upon entering, I was struck by how lovely the church was on the inside. It was a rustic-looking chapel full of wood and brick, with a second-story loft area reserved for the choir and the musical instruments. Impressive stained glass everywhere, and genuine wooden pews with bibles, hymnals, and well-worn copies of The Book Of Common Prayer.
My friend and I made our way to the very back of the seating area (at my insistence), and we sat down, waiting for service to begin. Music started, and a procession of parishioners in long white robes and green sashes come ceremoniously up the aisle, toward the raised podium. Candles are lit by children in white, The cross is held high for all to acknowledge (which some did by bowing or making the sign of the cross), and the priest stepped forward to begin.
The sermon itself was on the topic of showing unconditional love to our fellows, and resolving conflict with those we encounter who may have hurt us or offended us in some way. The priest shared a few of his personal experiences with such things, then he read from the books of Ezekiel and Matthew. He made a valuable point: not one of us has more importance in the eyes of the Lord than anyone else. We are equal in God's love. Hymns were sung, music was played, and kneeling during prayer took place- something I am not accustomed to. I didn't kneel, as I was unfamiliar and anxious, but no one batted an eye. Communion was offered. Rows of people moved toward the altar to kneel around it and receive the body of Christ. I didn't do this either- too nervous! But again, no one looked at me accusingly. This was quite relieving.
As the service drew to a close, the choir again proceeded in a line toward the exit doors, all the while singing softly a hymn of blessing. It was beautiful, a little solemn, and with the music and the candles being snuffed out... well, I began to cry! I couldn't stop it, it was like a peace and a love had settled over me. It was the presence of God.
I feel positive about this church and my attraction to it. I believe that God has lead me there. I will definitely be attending every possible day that I can from now on. What a wonderful experience.
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