I will make my first entry about who I am and what I'm going to write about here. There is a lot more to me and my past than what I can ever put to paper, but this blog is about my journey toward contentment, health, and true happiness. The kind that comes from within, not without.
I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) in 2004, after realizing that I had almost every symptom of it. I had never had my first menstrual cycle (I was 24!), I was unable to lose weight even though I jogged daily and ate fewer than 800 calories a day (I was anorexic in high school). I had poor skin and excessive body/facial hair, both of which were extremely embarrassing. These problems were accompanied by depression and low self-esteem.
After being diagnosed, my doctor prescribed birth control pills, which admittedly did make my period start, but also did nothing more. I have since gone on and off birth control, but as of 4 months ago, my period has been regular. I credit this to a supplement I've started called 'Omega3 DHA-EFA'. I get the vegan version made from seaweed, as I have been vegan for almost a year now.
Once I did start having a period, they were heavy, extremely painful,
and came with mood swings, irritability, and nausea. It still affects me
this way each month! But my hope is that in time, I can see an
endocrinologist and get my hormones corrected. That's part of the
journey I will record here.
Just last year, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. This is undoubtedly the medical issue that causes me the most grief. Chronic pain, headaches, vertigo, constant fatigue, nausea, brain fog, aches and pains of every kind- dull, sharp, thudding, moving, and throbbing. It seems like every day a new fibro symptom is revealed. Gluten sensitivity, tooth sensitivity, eye sensitivity. This is a fairly random illness, and everyone who suffers from it feels it in a different way.
As a result of this illness, I have had to stop working, and last year I applied for disability benefits. This alone has been a major struggle for me. I've been a working person for years, and to have to give up my independence in this way makes me feel ashamed, worthless, and like I am a burden to everyone I know. It caused me to spiral into a depression that has been very hard to recover from. I became convinced that no one wanted to deal with the problems I presented. It was causing intense problems with how I relate to the people in my life.
I recently found a support group on Facebook for people with chronic illness, and talking to the people there who are going through the same things I am has made a difference in how I feel about my health problems. I realize that what I'm going through right now is a grieving process- I'm mourning the loss of the person I used to be. I didn't know that before.
My life has changed, and therefore I have changed in many ways. But my core values are the same, and my wishes essentially have not changed. The people in my life who don't understand or accept my illness and my new life...they don't matter. They are close-minded and judgmental. And frankly I don't want to waste my time and energy on worrying about them. I'm not going to kill myself worrying about calories anymore, especially since it doesn't do any good whatsoever. It's a waste.
From now on, I would like my life to be focused on positivity, transformation, and learning how to nurture and love myself. This blog will be about ways I do that, and the results!
No comments:
Post a Comment