Seems I Have A Lot To Say Today

Second blog entry of today.

I received a call from my little brother (at 30, not so little anymore) today. He's been staying with extended family for a while until he gets his new out-of-city job secured and ready to go. He shed some light on recent opinions that were spoken about me by these extended family members. Could this be seen as gossip? Probably. Does that make me feel guilty for writing about it? Nope.

See, this particular family member has a notorious history of addiction. Her mother had it, her brother had it, her father had it. So the poor girl really got the short end of the stick when it came to this. She also happens to have a chronic pain disorder (or so she says) that allows her access to pretty much any pain medication. When I saw her last year, she made a huge production about the fact that she has ceased all pain medication and handles her chronic pain "as it comes", sans pills or patches. This struck me as odd in the moment, because of 1. the huge production part, and 2. the fact that I also happen to have the very same chronic pain disorder, and I can't live without some form of pain relief on my worst days.

So I kind of sort of knew she was lying about not being on pain meds.

Fast forward to today. My brother tells me that this particular family member has been caught trying to hide her massive pain pill addiction, and that her husband finally came clean about how much money they were spending on street pain meds. Pain meds that she claims she isn't taking. Pain meds that she told me STRAIGHT OUT that she is not taking.

Here's the thing about addiction: it's not a choice. I realize this, and I realize that this family member of mine needs help. I realize that my bitterness about being lied to is a natural reaction, even though I am aware that lying is just what addicts often do. And I also realize that my passing judgment on her (because seriously, that's what I did on the phone with my bro this morning) is unChristian and uncalled for. I will pray about that. And I will also pray for this girl, for her husband, and for their child/pets (who no doubt are suffering from living with her as well).

But please, do not think that you can lie to my face and that I will be stupid enough to swallow that lie whole. I am an INFJ (see this)  on the Myers-Briggs test, with an empath soul and trust issues. I will know if you are lying to me. And if you burn me once, you can be sure you will never be allowed close enough to me to do it again.