You probably know someone like that. They always look great, they have a great job that pays well, they have a perfect marriage, perfect kids, cute house, new car, they never seem to get sick, and they never seem to fail at any endeavor they try their hands at. When you see them, they are always happy, and never seem to get stressed out. And why should they? Their lives seem perfectly stress-free.
I play the "Comparison Game" as my boyfriend calls it. I compare myself to everyone I meet, and the other person ALWAYS wins. I think everyone has a better life than me. And not only that, but I think everyone except for me deserves a better life. In therapy, my shrink and I are trying to figure out where this comes from. I have a very low opinion of myself. So low that it actually shocks me when someone pays me a compliment about my looks or personality or intelligence. Because to me, I possess no redeeming qualities. Well, I am compassionate about the human plight and animal welfare. I guess that's redeeming?
My roommate and I had a long discussion about where this low opinion of self comes from, and she seems to think it's because I was raised by a narcissistic parent. My mother is textbook narcissist. Recently I found an article that talks about what the adult child of a narcissist deals with. Every single thing on the list was SPOT ON. So maybe my roommate is right, and there is a lot that I owe to my mom when it comes to hating myself.
I don't like playing the Comparison Game. It makes my heart hurt and makes my mind loud. Hopefully with therapy, and with time, I can learn to overcome my self-loathing and perhaps learn to feel worthy of a good life. Learn to let people love me if they want to, and learn that I am not undeserving of that. I don't want to be perfect. I just want to feel good and be content with myself and my life.
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